


The Trick To Making Him Leave

by ThisUserIsGayerThanYou



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, FTM Reader, Feels, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I will make you cry, LGBT, M/M, Reader Has A Name, Reader is named, Reader-Insert, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Slow To Update, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, What Have I Done, fight me, trans reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2018-12-22 04:02:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11959302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisUserIsGayerThanYou/pseuds/ThisUserIsGayerThanYou





	1. A Little About Him

Name: Nathaniel Kanemoto  
Age: 16  
Gender: (biologically female) Male  
Personality: Pretty stoic around new people, but pretty bubbly and nice around friends, easily angered, especially when talking about him being trans  
Like: you'll find out  
Dislikes: You'll find out (homophobic and transphobic (lgbtphobic) people)  
Job: Is an intern at a tattoo/piercing place. Is practiced on for tattooing and piercings  
Appearance: Pic above and will be continued with piercings and tattoos below. Hair is black, with streaks of bright red  
Clothing style: Punk, or just anything comfortable that isn't feminine. Also likes beanies and hoodies and sweat pants.  
Family: Mom and Dad, little sister. They own weapon manufacture companies. (Parent's don't accept him at all and threatened to throw him out, but kept him because of the fact he needs to run the company and the fear of public/losing the company and their money)  
Engagements: Many he scared off purposely. Currently engaged to Kyoya Ootori through family.  
Extra: He cannot say the word femininity. He gets tongue tied like Nemo saying anemone.

**Piercings:**  
[Hand Piercing](http://www.piercingtime.com/images/272/knuckle-piercing-with-silver-curved-barbell.jpg)  
[Bridge](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR00sfXHfh2-502PavyzDgS2bZm86DJwzBZkLDnMY6WBtNp16GI)  
[Some of the ear piercings](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/44/8a/cc/448acc2d0c584b2a3511f879d75f1719.jpg)  
[The rest with description](http://www.beautyfrizz.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/ideas_for_ear_piercings.jpg)  
[Shark Bites (lip)](http://piercededge.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/shark.jpg)  
[Dahlia](http://bodypiercingmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Dahlia-Piercing-Images.jpg)  
[Cyber Bites](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTEkj-wtkaCIto0EY9P9jG-HmvO7dyxw2TgLMx76EaaSirkPpcX4A)  
[Smiley](http://www.piercingeasily.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/2-1.png)  
[Snake Eyes And Barbell](http://www.piercingtime.com/images/318/snake-eyes-and-barbell-tongue-piercing.jpg)  
[Eyebrow](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/30/90/bf/3090bf695605670b43a1e14e4092d2e7--piercing-eyebrow-body-modifications.jpg)  
(I really like piercings)

**Tattoos:**  
[Left Forearm (Inside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRE9Rnp33WlLKtHIge8W28dbkEC3niIBAKIwos7Hd2KRV2uS2q3)  
[Right Shoulder Blade ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQibK1jXlkuXQ1fSZau_mQqjsaT9u6agzzlMER9EHB0qJR4XNZtcg)  
[Right Forearm (Inside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHWvwE1mWg_H5SdUinNXsLErI_s5Jg7A5atPRVAVR95QioGynNjQ)  
[Right Forearm (Outside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS2FsYxfoxcixzo6e19ajPidNgplMILRvUmkjriHwvQ7aF2ehj0Tw)  
[Left Wrist (Inside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTXBwIx58ZrkNWrLQQeeh6W7vLs6ePMhi0TNTGwn5odKsLcdmWdPg)  
[Right Wrist (Outside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS9NnsLX5qVf43Dhfb5mYEG9uay5tjYU8BZSP2BfWCxp3KtkWKQ)  
[Bicep](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRlr8wVYmF-H4zK-9APFMceDcBY7pYvxYBxJpPMJSZ7tuDc-w-Chw)  
[Right Shoulder](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRsdjawZxi-sx9yT222duppPVzcFfC8MabNhjEENf5cEWkaC5swPQ)  
[Behind Left Ear](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSo9nNdsS7RbtFojhHMf0m8m53N11uBV358JSCQpAonJpNotE8HIw)  
[Left Forearm (Outside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT1AMFP30X2TqRn1kDNFfjvY2epOwSdlbAEzUmChx3-qTyDhnxf)  
[Left Rib Cage](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSF08sFZKjVIm-02ZB9o813384mypXoh8eSSCrIz0ap5bgZyhW0pg)  
[Right Wrist (Inside)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTj5sMeEUsmLucB8M8obMSzRqgkWbt02ZFzS2XjTZi7hTUivikBxA)  
(He works as someone who lets the others practice on him with piercings or tattoos. Hence why he has so many. I also love tattoos and piercings)


	2. The Trick To His Future

You were closeted. Closeted as in you haven't come out to anyone as transgender. A tomgirl is what they would call you. A boyish girl. Many thought you were a butch lesbian, but no. You were just a closeted transgender male. It sucked to be misgendered every single day of your life.

Finishing the [makeup](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3v-5_6gM4hk/maxresdefault.jpg) with  _Beautiful Monster_ by Neyo blasting through your speakers, you sighed smearing a bit of blood along your neck and nose. So far, the makeup was done and you had nothing else to do besides listening to music. And hope you don't rub anything off.

"Natalie! Come down here, please."

Sweet voice. She was with someone that wasn't your dad downstairs.

Not bothering to take off the makeup, you sighed and started downstairs, closing the door so they couldn't hear your music. You hated that name. _Natalie._  It was a girls name. It was annoying. It was your birth and dead name. In all honesty, you would've rather been called Nathaniel. Pulling your [hat](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/2b/b7/98/2bb7987053a804b1cc7ae867fb012fc5.jpg) further over your head and tugging slightly at the bottom of your tank top, you raised your head once you got into the room where your mother was, biting your cheek when you saw who was with her. You practically sneered but held your anger and annoyance back.

She sighed and shook her head, glancing apologetically at Kyoya. "Natalie, I thought we talked to you about painting your face," she whined. "Please go wash it off." You said nothing, turning on your heel and going back upstairs. "Oh, and Kyoya, knowing her, she won't come back down so, if you are willing to, you can follow her."

Well fuck. You heard him speak softly, then his footsteps behind you.Not bothering to acknowledge him, you went into your room, leaving the door open for him only (you were that nice) and went on to cleaning up the makeup station your mother thought you would love and insisted she get for you. Your back was to Kyoya as he closed the door and sat on your bed; you didn't dare turn around and face him.

It didn't take long for everything to be put away, now you just had to figure out how to keep yourself busy and not face him. It was hard enough to know he was in the same room, staring at your back (which felt highly uncomfortable and triggered your anxiety) and being silent (besides music that he never listens to playing in the background). You leaned forward on the desk, bringing your eyes up to meet his through the mirror, actually taking some time to realize what he was wearing today. It was actually different than his normal, very expensive and formal clothing. He wore a black t-shirt and jeans, his shoes and socks at the front door. It was plain and simple. More simple than you've ever seen him in.

You tore your eyes from his in the mirror, staring down at your hands. They were pretty dirty; covered in makeup and fake blood, Sharpie here and there. You loved drawing on yourself, despite being tattooed and pierced, it was something to take your mind off everything. You would always draw on yourself, even if there was paper around, the marker would be on your skin instead. It stopped you from doing anything harmful.

Kyoya seemed to notice too, his eyes had wandered from the tattoos littering your neck, shoulders, and arms to the drawing and makeup on your hands. He put two and two together finally speaking up. "Venting make up?" He asked.

Barely whispering out a 'yeah', you nodded and curled your hands into fists. He easily figures things out like this. Always knows what's going on. Especially in your own mind; he could figure out what was wrong in barely a few seconds. Over the past year of getting to know each other and being forced into an engagement, he's figured almost everything out about you.

You hated it. You hated him. You hated yourself.

Right now, you needed pain. Some type of pain to take everything away. Another fight broke out between you and your parents today. All the tattoos and piercings really. It bothered them and made them worry about their social image. You could care less though.

"Nathaniel..."

He needed to leave, but you didn't want to turn around or speak to him. As much as you loved the fact he accepted you more than any society would, you didn't want him around.

You heard him stand up and make his way towards you, his hand resting on your shoulder. You didn't look up nor have the strength to push him off.

"Why are you still here?" Your voice was quiet, but loud enough for him to hear.

Kyoya's face turned into one of confusion for a second. "What.. what do you mean?"

Pushing yourself up, you faced him, planting a bit of distance between you both. "I mean why haven't you broken this thing off yet?! I've-I've tried everything to scare you away and yet you're still here. I've done everything I could to-to ignore you, make you mad at me, to show you my worst side possible and you're still here... Why? Why, dammit?!" Your hands shot up and shoved his chest out of anger, only causing him to stumble back two steps.

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to him, wiping away tears that had fallen down your cheeks, ignoring the smeared makeup. "Because I've seen you at your worst and I've seen you at your best. I've seen you in between and you don't scare me, Nathaniel."

You looked away again, staring at your bare feet inches away from his. "But I'm not who people want me to be. I'm not a girl, don't you like girls? Aren't you more attracted to women?" Your throat burned from the screams that were held back. "Dammit, why can't you hate me?! Just hate me, fucker! Hate me and stop loving me, dammit! I don't want you-"

He cut you off by pressing his lips to yours, again, ignoring the makeup. Your hands tightened into balls in his wrists for a split second, then slackened, kissing him back. It's been about a month since he's been more affectionate than holding one's hand or barely hugging. Physical contact wasn't really his thing. He tugged on your bottom lip piercings and pulled away, black and red makeup smeared on his own lips.

"I can't hate you, because I love you."


	3. The Trick To Meeting Him

Your finger poked at your gauges, tugging at them and in all just messing with them. Today was your first day at Ouran Academy and you were already breaking around fifteen rules that had to do with uniform and body appearance. You didn't wear a uniform, opting for a [white t-shirt](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/c4/95/6d/c4956d75e32fbd59048dcce3e57767ef--androgynous-fashion-tomboy-androgynous-hair.jpg), with the white half-binder underneath so no one could see it, sweats that were slack and resting just on your hips, showing the rim of your red boxers (which held a nice packer), white Vans, and a beanie with your bangs hanging out. Your wrist was decorated in a few [punk bracelets](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/01/f0/5c/01f05ca8f6153565f18be49d9ea210f0--punk-jewelry-gothic-jewellery.jpg), covering the smaller tattoos.

"People are gonna mistake you for a boy, you know that right?" You mom commented, a bit disgusted by what you wore.

You shrugged and moved on to toying with your Dahlia piercings on your lips, tugging softly at the bottom part. You had already been to the school, gotten your schedule, been denied of your gender by the headmaster, and got teachers to refer you by Nathaniel and male pronouns. So far, the day should go by smoothly, hopefully.

Your mother looked up from her phone at you and clicked her tongue. "You should really dress more girly, this doesn't suit you." Again, you shrugged and ignored it. She went on, shaking her head. "Your fiancé goes there as well and is in a Host Club. He said they're usually there in the morning preparing for after school activities. The room is Music Room 3. I expect you to be there today; I will be keeping tabs with Kyoya."

Groaning, you reluctantly agree and grabbed your [bag ](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/dd/c4/b9/ddc4b9044c89995d05f047a382e22975--school-bags-for-boys-computer-bags.jpg)to get out once the limo stopped.

"Oh and, one more thing Natalie?" Her voice was too sweet for your liking.

"Yes, mother?" You replied in the same sickeningly sweet voice.

Her tone and face darkened. "You're not a boy, stop confusing people."

You slammed the door shut and stormed into the school, rolling your eyes. Shitty. Your mom was shitty and she was a transphobic asshole. Her and dad were the same shitty people that hated lgbt+ people. The only reason you were kept around was because of your place under the managing of the company, they needed a heir to take over and your little sister was only five. Your parents were also looking to retire the minute you were married and left the house.

Girls, and guys, standing around outside chatting stopped to stare at you. Not only were you new, you didn't fit in with your choice of clothing and their uniform, and you had an amazing amount of tattoos and piercings you were not willing to take out no matter what anyone said.

It didn't take long to find the room, you had almost memorized the layout of the school when you first did a walk-through days prior. The double doors stood out at the end of the hallway, almost begging for you to throw them open. And just that you did, startling the seven boys- er, six and one androgynous one, in there who were not prepared for you dramatic entrance.

"Kyoya Ootori, I'm guessing, is the one with glasses or really tall one." You shouted pointing at the two. They both had regained their composure in less than .3 seconds from your entrance, not seeming to be affected.

The glasses one closed his eyes and shook his head, locking eyes with you the minute he reopened them. "That would be me. You must be-"

Cutting him off, you dropped your bag at the door and walked over. "Nathaniel Kanemoto. It's a pleasure to meet the person I'll be spending the rest of my shit-ass life with. I mean, you can only break off an arranged marriage if both parties agree, as well as the guardians if you are under eighteen." Your voice was laced with sarcasm, swinging your arm over the boy's shoulders with a fake grin.

"You two are engaged?" The auburn hair twins asked together.

You pushed yourself off Kyoya and nodded, heading for the door again. "Welp, if mom asks, I was here. I'm leaving now." You bent down to grab your bag, only to be stopped with a hand on your shoulder.

The taller blonde had stopped you, staring at your piercings, tattoos and clothing choice, a mixed expression on his face. "Are you unable to afford the uniform?" He asked, not meeting your eyes.

Before you could even respond, Kyoya beat you to it. "Nathaniel can easily afford the uniform, just chooses not to wear it, or abide by the school rules of piercings and tattoos."

You scoffed, smirk evident on your face. "If the headmaster wants to kick me out, let 'im." You slung your bag over your shoulder, shrugging as you turned to leave. "And I would care less if that transphobic asshole hates me for it too."

Before you could even register it, your cheek stung from a slap across the face, your head turned to the right. You could feel your cheek begin to redden and burn a bit. Slowly, you turned your head back too it's original position and stared at the blonde in front of you, whom stared back with a very annoyed look.

"The headmaster is not an asshole," he argued.

Your fist connected with his cheek in no time sending him stumbling back a few steps. Before either of you could lay another hand on the other person, the twins held you back while the taller dark haired boy held blondie back. Neither of you struggled, glaring at each other before he spoke up.

"Wrong move, Natalie."

Now you struggled against the twin's hold. You wanted to punch him so fucking hard he fell into last week. The twins' hold on you became tighter as they pulled you further back from him, pushing you against the wall and holding you there. The brown haired person came over and placed a hand on your shoulder, glaring at the boy.

The taller one holding him back let him go, taking a step back. The blonde tsked and shook his head. "My father is the headmaster and from that little move you pulled, I could have you expelled."

You stopped struggling, eyes widening. Well fuck. You just punched the headmaster's kid. Shit head on a fucking bitch-ass stick, he could get you expelled easily and he knows your fucking dead name, dammit. Even though you did say you didn't care if you were kicked out, you cared if someone else got you kicked out on the first day; so saying a line you never thought you were gonna say was the only option.

"To not have that happen, what can I do?" You asked, a bit shakily and quiet.

He laughed at the question. "I've got you begging, don't I?" He teased.

You growled and snapped at him, "I'm not fucking begging!"

He just shrugged and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look directly at him. "I could easily get you expelled or you could join the host club and do exactly as I say until all is forgiven. I've heard the rumors about you this morning from many girls. They seem to really like you." He practically sneered at the comment. "So, what'll it be?"

You tore your chin from his grip and stared at the ground without a response.

"Host Club it is." He assumed.

The bell rang as he pat your cheek and walked out of the room. The twins finally let go of you, carefully stepping back. You huffed and grabbed your bag. "He's just like his father, isn't he?"

"Yeah," the brown haired one said.

"Narcissistic," One twin said.

"Narrow-minded," the second added.

"And of course, the boss." They said together.

With a loud groan you threw your head against the wall. "Dammit, what the hell have I gotten myself into?"

"On the bright side, N-chan, you get to be with Kyoya!" The small lolita blonde cheered.

Both you and Kyoya glanced at each other. "Yeah," you said sarcastically, "great."


	4. The Trick To Being His Maid

The day had already gone horribly as in every class you were with Kyoya and Tamaki. They paired the three of you up for the rest of the year since you made the class uneven and they were the only ones you knew and the only ones the teacher trusted you with since all the girls swooned over you and continued trying to flirt, and whispered about you, and all the guys seemed to despise you and threaten you by cracking their knuckles and glaring darkly at you, pretty jealous. You three were also paired together because it was normal for Kyoya and Tamaki to be paired, and you were engaged to Kyoya; the teacher didn't want to separate you two. You sarcastically thanked her and took your seat by the window, Kyoya between you and Tamaki, while the blonde was by the aisle. Apparently, the class worked in table groups. You weren't a happy camper and the Host Club made it worse.

The place was decorated in a tropical forest type thing, with actual trees and animals. [Although,](http://projectfandom.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Screen-Shot-2013-06-20-at-9.32.29-PM.png) you couldn't exactly disagree with the costumes, besides Tamaki's, since they showed more skin on the guys and holy shit were they nice. Noticing Haruhi, whose name you learned through Tamaki ranting about them being his 'daughter' and you weren't allowed to touch them, wasn't there yet kinda disappointed you but, you ignored it and reluctantly walked up to the group. Kyoya handed you a folded outfit, and from the looks of it a maid outfit, putting another folded cloth on top.

"Tamaki wished for you to wear this. The binder on top is your skin color so it should blend in and not be seen as easily." He pointed to the dressing room and nodded.

You were silent for a second, staring at the ground. "Thank you," you mumbled, turning to walk away.

Kyoya shifted his notebook in his arm. "Just because Tamaki will try to treat as feminine and girly as possible, I'm sure everyone else, as well as myself, will do the opposite."

You stopped in your tracks but didn't turn around, eyes wide and becoming a bit blurry. Without another word, you nodded and continued to walk over to the dressing room. The [outfit](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/05/4b/19/054b19e586b1a5a744ee243309a0e6db--sexy-halloween-costumes-fun-costumes.jpg) was a sexy maid costume pretty much. It was short, hand no sleeves or back, and annoyed you to no end. Growling as you put the other binder Kyoya provided and the costume on, you slid the shorts on as well, sneering at your reflection. The sneer soon quivered into tears and holding back sobs. Fuck, you looked really girly. Anyone could tell you're biologically a female. It was painfully obvious. Clasping your hand over your mouth to muffle any sobs that tried to break through, you dropped to your knees, shaking. Hopefully, the Hosts couldn't hear you and weren't looking for you, or anywhere near the doorway. You were sure they could hear you from there.

Wiping the tears from your cheeks, calming down quicker than normal, you took a shaky sigh and stood up, not bothering to change from your boots to the heels Tamaki wanted you to wear. Hugging your midsection, you walked out slowly, glaring at Tamaki.

"You look so cute, N-chan!" Honey giggled.

You sent a glare towards him. "I look like shit coughed up from a dragon's mouth then shit on again," you grumbled.

He hid behind Mori's leg, pouting. Tamaki clicked his tongue and shook his head, a smile evident. "You look like a real girl now, Natalie! The Host Club's maid."

Tears threatened to spring from your eyes but you held them back and gave a short laugh. "Ha, I look more manly in this than you ever would." It was a slight challenge, but it was more to lift your spirits and try to convince yourself that you looked manlier than you did. Everyone, even Haruhi who had just walked in, seemed to see through the small act of confidence but Tamaki hit the wall itself.

"If anything," he taunted, "you look a lot girlish than manly."

And there goes any self-confidence that you had. You sneered at him, trying to cover up the fact you wanted to cry. He smiled cheerfully and walked away to tend to guests that started entering the room. Honey had skipped off, not without giving you a sad expression, dragging Mori to their table. The twins said nothing as they also left to their guests while Haruhi and Kyoya stayed with you. All you could do was stare at the ground, saying nothing.

Haruhi's hand rubbed your shoulder lightly, sighing. "Senpai is just being a selfless jerk. Hopefully, he'll stop this soon." They walked to their own table, leaving just you and Kyoya. You shifted uncomfortably in the dress, pulling the end down further, or at least trying.

"Don't let him get to-"

"I'm not letting him get to me." You interrupted, shifting your gaze to look at him. "He won't get to me, no matter how hard he tries." You were lying, Kyoya knew as well, but you tried so very hard to convince yourself.

He said nothing else, but nodded and motioned to a cart with cakes and tea. "You'll be walking around serving people what they wish to have on the cart."

With no other spoken words, you walked over and grasped the cart handles, pulling it along. You already knew that because you were in the Host Club, Tamaki was unable to reveal your assigned gender or you would get kicked out and wouldn't be able to abide by Tamaki's wishes. He wouldn't take a chance. You rolled the cart around, winking at the girls who admired you and giggled when you spoke to the, constantly flirting with a few of the customers, and some of them were Tamaki's.

"You look so cute in the dress, Nathaniel-chan!" One girl squealed.

You laughed and thanked her, handing her some sweets and walking to another table.

"She's right," another girl said, "even as a boy, you really look good in that."

Again, you laughed and thanked her. As much as you wished for the day to end fast, you were thankful that people complimented you as a boy in a dress and said nothing about you looking girlish.

The club ended quicker than you expected and you were more than happy to change back into your original clothing, and out of the dress. You threw the dress at Tamaki, not bothering to fold it up and laughed when he swats it away, sending a glare, yet pout, at you while still sitting in the corner, eating 'commoners ramen'.

Hikaru sighed and barely turned to face Tamaki. "Hey, boss, why don't you stop eating that commoner's ramen and come over here to help us with the party planning?"

Yeah, you missed out on a lot of conversation while walking around, serving cake and tea.

"Does it really bother you that princess Kasuga has taken a liking to Haruhi?" Kaoru chimed in.

And apparently, Tamaki was butt-hurt over someone choosing Haruhi over Tamaki. You had a lot to learn.

"He shouldn't be surprised," Kyoya spoke up from his spot where he sat at the large table. "She's had the illness for a while now, hasn't she?" He hasn't looked up from his computer the whole time and whenever you tried to look over his shoulder, he would close it enough to where you couldn't see anything.

Haruhi and you glanced around, confused. "What illness?" They asked.

Hikaru hooked one arm over Haruhi's shoulder, "She's got the host hopping disease."

Kaoru mirrored him, adding, "AKA never-the-same-boy-twice disease."

"So, that's a problem for Tamaki, why?" You asked, leaning against the table, arms crossed, watching the twins.

Kyoya spoke up again, surprisingly, slightly answering your question. "Usually, our customers choose a favorite host and see them regularly. However, Princess Kanako tends to change her favorites on a regular basis."

Honey, who had been clinging to Mori, added on to his statement. "That's right. 'Cause before she chose you, she was with Tama-chan!" He smiled sweetly.

"Oh, so he's upset because I took her from him?" Haruhi slid out from under the twins arms.

Tamaki sprung up out of his area and appeared next to you, startling you out of your calmness and causing you to fall on your ass beside the table. "Shut up! I couldn't care less." Mori came over and took your hand, pulling you up. "I'm running out of patience." He pointed at Haruhi and you. " Haruhi, Natalie, it's time you both started dressing like girls." He shook his head. "I don't understand how you could be so popular with the ladies when you yourselves are ladies. No one in the entire school knows the truth except for those of us here."

You turned to Haruhi, a bit confused, but more not confused (for the word I was looking for has escaped my mind so when I find it I will edit this). "So Haruhi's biologically a female," you hummed.

The twins and Tamaki stared at you with a look of horror. Before they could say anything Haruhi answered you, "Yeah, I guess it's not that obvious but I honestly don't care if I'm seen as a boy or a girl."

You shrugged. "I just thought you were trying to seem more androgynous but apparently people don't know what that means here either." Rolling your eyes, you laughed softly. Haruhi smiled.

"Both of you opted out of gym class," Hikaru mentioned.

"And the attendance numbers are all mixed together so no one can tell," Kaoru included.

Pulling two large pictures out of nowhere, Tamaki pointed at them both. "That's enough, you two. Now you listen to Daddy. Daddy wants you to go back to the way you were."

"Don't go blowing up my photos without asking me first!" Haruhi yelled.

You walked over and punched the photo, ripping it in half without hurting the frame. "Don't touch my old photos. I don't care if you ask me or not. Don't. Do. It."

Tamaki threw the broken photo across the room and ignored you, as well as the twins.

"The more I look at this picture, the more amazed I am. How could this possibly become that?" Hikaru stared at their picture, then turned to glance at Haruhi.

"The day before school started, one of the kids in my neighborhood got some gum in my hair. It's a real pain to get gum out of long hair. So I decided to cut it all off. I didn't care if I look like a dude, you know." They ruffled their hair a bit then shrugged, earning a disapproving glance from Tamaki.

"Girls should never refer to themselves as a dude." He hung the picture up and fell to his knees in front of it. "Momma!! Haruhi's using those dirty boy words again."

Momma? Okay, you really needed to catch up. "I'm sorry, who is momma?" You asked, slinking back.

Kyoya stood next to you. "Based on club position, I assume it's me."

You raised an eyebrow at him, turning to walk to the door, grabbing your bag on the way. You had zoned out on their conversation as you knelt down and went through your bag, searching for your phone, growling when you couldn't find it. Zipping your bag back up, you walked back to the group, zoning back in on the conversation.

Hikaru had spoken up again. "-subject, but do either of you have formal dancing experience? You'll need it at the party."

You practically choked on your own spit. "What party?"

"There's a formal party next week that the Host Club is sponsoring," Haruhi answered. "I don't. But the party doesn't have anything to do with my quota, right? I'm not interested in going to events, so if I could be excused..." They trailed off.

"Definitely not. A refined gentleman must know how to dance. If you want to live the life of a host that badly, you're going to have to show us how far you're willing to go, Haruhi. I order you to master dancing the waltz in one week and you will demonstrate it for us at the party. Or I'll tell the entire school that you're a girl and knock you back down to an errand boy." Tamaki then turned to you, pointing. You jumped back, a bit startled. "And you will also have to attend and learn how to dance if you do not know how to."

Silently cursing under your breath, you rolled your eyes.

"Considering how many girls have requested for you to host them today, you will also be promoted to a Host," Kyoya stated, finally closing his laptop. "Starting tomorrow you will learn with Haruhi and become a Host."

Fucking damn it to all hell.


	5. The Trick To Dancing And His Plans

"Quick, quick, slow. Quick, quick, slow. Good work, Haruhi. Now on the "slow", you should bring your feet together. Remember. The gentleman always leads. And make sure to look at the lady you're dancing with." Kanako taught Haruhi as you sat in the corner, avoided everyone (already knowing how to dance) and drew in a notebook, occasionally pulling and messing with your [clothing](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/0a/64/82/0a6482c48e8e6906fda88d044a358bbd--swag-outfits-for-guys-outfits-for-teens-boys.jpg) when you stopped drawing, nervous about the dance coming up.

Trying to ignore everyone else, you put headphones on, turning up your music to block out the world, continuing to draw. Only occasionally you would lift your eyes to certain events happening in the room, barely paying any attention to who was saying what and what was going on, only making sure no one snuck up on you or anything important came up. When you raised your head again, you were startled as Hikaru pulled your headphones off your ears, yelping and falling to your side, staring up at the smirking boy with wide eyes, your shocked face dropping to a glare. He gave you back the headphones and stood back up straight, pointing to Tamaki without words.

"Men, it is our responsibility as members of the elite Ouran host club to make every girl happy." Tamaki cried.

You scrunched up your nose and stood, gripping your book tightly as you leaned towards Hikaru. "What the fuck did I miss?"

~~~~

The plan was slightly good, maybe. You didn't really know by know by now. All you really knew was to dance with some girls and when Haruhi was 'abducted' you were to follow and join them in this so-called 'plan'. So, Standing between Kyoya and Haruhi, wearing a [suit ](https://images.express.com/is/image/expressfashion/39_437_1587_725?cache=on&wid=361&fmt=jpeg&qlt=75,1&resmode=sharp2&op_usm=1,1,5,0&defaultImage=Photo-Coming-Soon)they gave you, you smiled brightly at the large group of girls that were waiting.

" It is so good to see you here tonight, my little lambs. The Ouran host club would like to bid you welcome." Tamaki, who stood on the balcony thingy above you all welcomed.

Kyoya, finally not having his notebook for once, opened his arms and gave the girls a heartwarming smile. " As always, ladies, the host club members are here for your entertainment. So we invite you to dance to your heart's content. Based on her dancing skills, one lucky young lady will be chosen as tonight's queen. The Queen's reward will be a passionate kiss on the cheek from our king."

"Good luck to you, my darlings," Tamaki ended the intro.

The group kinda folded in on itself, the twins crowding Haruhi and Kyoya had somehow teleported his notebook. "Haruhi, show some enthusiasm," They whined.

"Yeah, Nathaniel's showing more enthusiasm than you!" Hikaru pointed out.

Your smile dropped as you glared at them. "No, everything I'm doing is forced. I don't want to be here."

Kaoru waved it off.

"Well, excuse me, you guys. Sorry." They pushed the twins arms off their shoulders and stood next to you. "I'm not used to this sort of thing. I've only ever gone to the festivals held in my neighborhood park."

"I don't know if you can really consider that a party or not," You muttered.

Kyoya sighed. " Well, since you're already here, you might as well get yourself something to eat. We've got quite a spread."

Your head whipped around to look at him. "You guys got food?"

"A spread? With fancy tuna?" Haruhi asked.

Now your eyes, as well as everyone else's, were on the teen. 

"Fan-"

"-cy..."

"...tuna? Get some fancy tuna right now."

It started with Honey, went to the twins and ended with Tamaki. Kyoya was instant when calling someone and you could only catch, "Add some deluxe sushi."

"Damn these filthy rich jerks," Haruhi sneered.

The twins hugged Haruhi, rubbing their cheeks on Haruhi's while Mori stood behind them, holding Honey, Tamaki went on ranting and Kyoya was on the phone. You just rolled your eyes and walked into the crowd of girls, asking one to dance, earning quite a squeal. The others soon joined in the dancing and in no time, Haruhi was stolen by the twins.

You joined them after Haruhi disappeared, sighing softly.

"You didn't have to be so forceful," they muttered, grabbing the clothes and going into the changing room.

You shook your head, watching as the twins got makeup ready for them, turning to the door where Tamaki should appear any minute, even though he was probably dancing with some ladies. You wouldn't have been surprised if the narcissistic asshole was going to force you into makeup and a dress, also heels, but you were glad he didn't.

Even just thinking about it brought back memories you didn't want to think about; even though they were mostly about your mom and dad, it wasn't any pleasant memories. Tears stung at the corner of your eyes. With pursed lips, you blinked them away and turned from the doorway.

"You seem to be pretty distant today, Nathaniel," Kyoya mentioned.

Startled, you jumped and turned to his, your voice going up in pitch as you answered, rubbing the back of your neck, "Yeah uh-" cutting yourself off to clear your throat, you tried again, "yeah, it's, um, not that important. Just thinking." You avoided his gaze, looking everywhere but at him.

"May I speak to you in a more private area?" He asked.

You could just feel the twins' stare boring holes into your back as you nodded slightly, following him as Haruhi just came out.

He closed the door to the room and set his notebook down as you fiddled with the end of your jacket, staring at the ground. Kyoya said nothing as he stood in front of you.

"What do you want?" You practically sneered, slicing through the silence.

He scanned your face for a second, humming softly. "Whatever you were thinking caused you to start crying." Your head shot up to look at him, your hand flying to your cheeks but they were dry. "We can't have you breaking down in front of anyone."

"So what? I thought of something I didn't like- you don't have to go barging into it-"

"I'm not," Kyoya interrupted, "I'm merely suggesting that you get over whatever you're thinking now so we don't have a problem later. I'll leave you alone until you're needed."

He turned to walk away and you fought the urge to grab his jacket and pull him back. Tears were already fighting to fall and you had to bite your lip to keep from sobbing. Fuck hormones.

"Why the hell should you care!?" You shouted instead, slamming your fist on the table. This surprised the black-haired male into turning back around to look at you. "It's not like you should. I wouldn't be able to break down in front of anyone anyway, I'd be too scared and I'd hold it back and fake a smile to make sure they don't worry, so why the hell should you worry about it or even bother to bring me back here to deal with it?"

Kyoya's brows furrowed. "It's not healthy to do-"

"It's not healthy to do a lot of things I do but I do them anyway," you sneered.

You pushed past him and walked out the door, seething, and broke into a run, feet thudding down the halls as you tried to escape from whatever was clouding your mind. You could hear your name being shouted down the hall as you ran although you ignored it, forcing yourself to get away from everything.

You couldn't hear any footsteps follow you as slowed down and turned a corner, pressing your back against the wall.

_Well, aren't you just a fucking wimp._

_ Yeah, can't even let someone as simple as Kyoya in, can't you? _

"He's not that simple..."

**_No, he may not be, but he's your fiance._ **

_ You should just give up on trying to be a boy. _

_Just be the girl your mom wanted._

_ Wear extensions and makeup, take off the bracelets, wear the dresses. _

"I... It hurts to even  _think_ about doing that stuff!"

**_But it would make everyone happier, wouldn't it?_ **

The thought of everyone you knew being happier caused you to pause, your hands stopping in your hair, eyes trained on the floor. Of course, if you just became the girl everyone wanted you to be... everyone would be happy.

The voice scoffed.  _Or just, you know, kill yourself? Who's gonna miss you?_

_**Think smaller, there's too much at stake if she kills herself.** _

_Well, whoop-de-fucking-do, you get to live, Natalie!_

"That's not my name..." Once again, your hands resumed tugging at your locks, running down and over your ears, trying to block out what was being said. "Stop, please... Just stop..."

_Fucking pathetic._

_ Attention seeking whore _

You were crying again. Without even realizing it, the sobs had left your lips faster than you could register. You hated crying. It was such a girly thing to do - you weren't girly! You weren't trying to be girly... 

Sitting there longer than you had realized, the crying had drained your body, now soft hiccups leaving your parted lips. Your cheeks were red, stained with tear streaks. Your eyes were red and a bit puffy, all the rubbing you had done with the side of your hand did have consequences. Trying to take small, evened breaths, you stared ahead of you at the ground, startled when feet blocked your vision.

"Nathaniel...?" The girl's soft voice reached your ears as she knelt down, sitting on her legs to be level with you. "Are you... You're not, aren't you?"

At least she didn't have to finish to question to figure it out.

Her hand rested on your arm, emitting a small flinch but you didn't push her off. "The other hosts are looking for you, the dance is over. A bunch of girls missed you - they were hoping to dance with you."

Your voice was wobbly and toneless as you refused to look up and muttered, "So what?"

She cringed, looking away and biting her lip. "I-I'm sorry to have bothered you." She stood and began to leave.

Her footsteps were accompanied by a few more pairs - all stopping as they talked in hushed whispers too low for you to understand. Once they stopped, one pair of shoes tapped away from where you were, fading away before the few more slowly came closer.

"Hey," Kaoru's voice was soft as he spoke, kneeling to your right. His thumb rubbed against your shoulder softly as his hand rested there. Slowly, you calmed down, your shoulders dropping from their tense state, closing your eyes as you listened to his voice. "The dance is over and everybody's heading home. Haruhi and Honey refuse to leave until they know you're safe - even Mori is getting worried. They're all searching around the school for you." He rested his head on his hand. It created enough pressure for you to feel on your shoulder and you sighed in slight content.

"So I've been here for that long?" You pondered.

Hikaru answered, "Ever since you left with Kyoya to chat." He sighed. "He refused to speak about your whereabouts or what had happened. It worried everyone but Boss just told us to 'ignore it and do our job'. We kinda had no choice but to continue hosting and try to not think about..." You could tell he didn't want to sound rude, trailing off as he tried to figure out what to say in place of that.

"Forget about me. That's what he wanted. It's fine, guys. I'll be alright - nothing I haven't dealt with before." You gave them a small smile and turned to face Hikaru. "I just needed some time to calm down - even if it took so long."

Kaoru squeezed your shoulder, catching your attention, his forehead was creased, lips cast in a thin line, eyes swimming with worry and fear. You shook your head and feigned feeling better as you stretched and stood, holding out your hands to the twins who remained seated. They took your help and stood, wrapping their arms around your shoulder and guiding you to the others in silence. It didn't help your situation as you tried to keep the façade up and avoid questions. 

"You neglected your duties as a Host, Natalie," Tamaki huffed, raising his gaze to stare into your own. 

Laughing harshly, you smirked. "But y'all seemed to have no problem doing everything without me. After all, no need to worry about it. All you had to do was 'ignore it and do your job'."

"At least we got something done," He retorted, "You ditched and sat out so you didn't have to do any of the work."

"If you fucking think I left because I was just going to  _ditch_  on this, then you're entirely wrong."

"Then why weren't you here?"

"Why the hell should you care?!"

"Because as a host, it is your job to please the ladies and not have your personal problems get into the way!"

"Well, I'm  _sooo_ fucking sorry that I have such shitty personal problems that I can't help but have them in the way."

"Then get over them. Easy. Don't think about them, don't worry about them and ignore them." Tamaki's voice had lowered so he was't yelling anymore.

It was nowhere near as terrifying as when you did it. Your voice was calm, low, threatening. "Do you really think it's that easy?"  _Pissed._  "That I can just block out every problem or voice in my head and move on with my life? Because if you think that, step the fuck back and get out of my life. You have no right to say anything because you have never gone through any of it. Keep trying,  _I dare you."_

Without another word from anyone, you spun on your heel and left the school. No one spoke for what seemed like forever until Haruhi shook her head and followed him.

"That was a new low, Senpai, even for you."

The twins ran after her in silence and not long after, Mori and Honey followed as well. Kyoya stood back for a few minutes, waiting for Tamaki to say something or admit anything.

He scowled. "That's not fair, she should've-"

" _He._ "

"what?"

"I understand you don't like Nathaniel, Tamaki, but that doesn't give you any right to tell him how he should get over something. Like he said, it's easier said than done. You've never gone through what he has."

Tamaki was speechless as now Kyoya left, leaving him standing in the empty ballroom.


End file.
